is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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