Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
