Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
