My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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