Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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