I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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