i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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