my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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