Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize