If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
