Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize