So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
