if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You made out with two different species that night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
