you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
