Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
