I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
