Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
