If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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