theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
