i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
