if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
