Kiss
Puke
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
