it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
