Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
