God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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