I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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