Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
