I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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