I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
