I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
