if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was like eating out sand paper
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
