i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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