She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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