He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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