I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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