You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
