im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
