He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
