FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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