is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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