There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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