I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
