There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
