You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What a dumb baby whore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
