she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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