gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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