All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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