yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.