Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.