wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.