You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.