True but thats because hes a fetus.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize