I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just want to make out with him forever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
