She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
