I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
