Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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