she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
