She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
