I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
