I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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