I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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