please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
