I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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