8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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