My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
