Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
