Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
