Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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