I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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