hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
