so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
