Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
