i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
