I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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