dude i'm inner monologue high
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
