she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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