Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
