i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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