yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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