naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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